I have been told there are a many hidden stories and truths in the blue waves and hues of the ocean. So I look and ponder for my own revelations.
Maybe the key back to my heart is to be found in the flow of these waves. My heart has lived for too long behind barricaded “concrete” walls of my own makings. It has struggled to fully restart from the moments in time when time froze in other’s arms.
It is a heart that has found soulmates and lovers on all corners of the earth only to be left behind, unable to fully express its truth across the distances of continents and oceans. It’s magical telepathy seems to only work in close proximity where the waves of our energy can crash over each other freely and untamed . In those moments we feel each other's being in every part of our bodies and within these energetic waves of “just being” the water is warm and the golden hour light is perfect. The world in those moments is heaven. It is a heart that has not been shown the way within the curses of my own family. I am left to look to nature and the ocean and talking to Mother Earth she tells me, “don’t be afraid to stick your feet in my sand and waves to help you find your heart’s way home.”
Walking along the beach I ponder maybe you will appear walking the same path, looking for the same answers. Much stranger things happen in my life all the time then seeing you on a remote beach in Costa Rica.
Remarkably, when I first got to this part of Costa Rica on the Nicoya Peninsula dolphins jumped endlessly at different angles all around the small boat we were on. This is the place I reckoned where mutually divine spirits are bound to connect. Days later, deep in tantric yoga and while reciting a mantra about the magic of the world the same dolphins appeared over the horizon in perfect timing.
In this current moment I’m pondering and walking, but I am also praying. I ask to find the strength to believe again in the expansive power of my heart and love. I remember telling you how easy it is to give up on love and how that feeling can corrupt your whole life. But then you showed up and there was no questioning. Yet now you are no longer by my side and here I am looking for renewed answers to my prayers. You used to say that “ Your eyes look like the deep blue of the ocean and that’s why you love the ocean so much.” So even looking at the ocean I hear your voice….
What scares me is I know that my heart can’t look and ponder for answers to its way home forever. One day I might reach a point where the only option will seem to be to walk slowly into the ocean and leave myself there forever, surrendering fully to another world and another lifetime where things don’t seem to be so cursed and just trusting the ocean to take me home in the literal sense.
I hope it does not get to that point. I am the strongest person I know, but one has to be real about the possibility. "
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