It was the middle of night years ago, and I was driving around Malibu trying to find any semblance of peace. And also in turn probably trying to find memories of being there with previous loves & lovers.
I remember stopping at the intersection just past MoonShadows and seeing a for rent sign for a house up the canyon road. I tried driving up the road only to turn around for a reason I don’t fully remember.
What would it be like to live there I wondered then in the middle of the night, to be able to look out at the ocean every day and to maybe even fall in love again there, but most of all not to feel like I was losing my mind anymore. Not just driving up the PCH at 3 in the morning in a rental car on no sleep or ability to sleep.
At the time that for rent sign felt like my last resort. I had just gotten here days earlier from DC and told myself there was no going back. Let California save me or leave this planet perhaps. On the plane ride I had the longest conversation with a women next to me whose Birthday was 8.8.88. I took that as it’s own sign that everything was going to be alright. And that morning I remember the most beautiful sunrise by the Malibu pier, telling me too as it’s own sign that everything could be alright.
And when driving up there just a few weeks ago, my Subaru stopped at that canyon road intersection for just a brief moment. I looked at you in the passenger seat and wanted nothing more to kiss you, to bookend all the years of that sign and feeling lost to feeling like I had been found. To put the car in park wrap my arms around you and absorb you into me right there in the middle of PCH.
But as a tease of sorts, right after my eyes met yours the light turned and I had to speed off into the abyss towards the pier where we would turn around and make our way back towards sunset Blvd and eventually back into the chaos of Hollywood.